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Full Disclosure

So I was surprised at just how worried our friends and families were after my most recent tongue in cheek FB post. I thought for sure people would get a chuckle. Instead there was an incredible outpouring of concern and love- which is appreciated! And humbling. 

To honor that and ease that concern a bit, I would like to share a little more information so you have the full scoop!

Work:
Yes, I took on a lot this semester. I can't help. I love to be helpful. I love to learn new things. And I also love to pay our bills on time! Working several part time jobs meets each of those. But it is draining running around from place to place and making sure to be in the right mindset in each place. I shared my concerns with friends, supervisors and family and since late September have been in a great place with work. I have incredible support! My supervisors and co-workers and students are flexible and helpful and I thrive in these environments. Like any student affairs professional, October was wild with activity. It's not that the work is hard or insurmountable. It's challenging in a good way and plentiful. Which is a blessing indeed. I had really good conversation with my friend Erin, who is also a counselor. And she allows me to tap into her counseling side- thanks for that! And through those chats I made a choice to not work many part-time jobs and search for just one. That search will not begin till summer time as I will finish out this full academic year with my current commitments. So work stress was acknowledged and worked on and I honestly do not feel stressed at work.

School:
I love school. I had a conversation with my friend Allisar yesterday about this. We are life long learners. I could just read all day, every day. And sometimes I do! My classes are fantastic. I have great professors. It's a lot of work. No doubt about that. However, I am that person that people sometimes dislike...I do all of my projects way ahead of time. I have two presentations and three papers coming up at the end of the month and in December that are either finished or in their rough drafts. School has not been a stressor except for two weeks ago. I was in the midst of saving data from interviews and my flashdrive crashed! Y'all, I just got in bed and cried. I was so nervous about finding more people to interview and finding the time to do it. My husband, wonderful man he is, consoled me and did all of the right things to assure me that it was going to be ok and I felt much better. Plus I got those interviews completed and transcribed. So that was the biggest stressor for school and it has been resolved for a couple of weeks.

Working Out:
The craziness of October left no room for working out. I haven't been running since September! So last week I started visiting different gyms and this week I had gotten several free passes to try a few out. Working out relieves so much stress and not having that the past month or so has not been fun!  I was really excited to find a gym close to the new house, in our budget, with all the offerings I need, like classes and child care and a pool.  This was going to be resolved next week.

Family:
There are not enough words to explain how supported and loved I feel by my hubby. He has always been nothing but present and loving and helpful. With our girls we co-parent and tag out and love them and work together to get all of the work stuff done. Chores are probably not evenly divided but I weigh his bug-killing and trash removal pretty heavily :-)  When he first said he wanted to really think about joining a community service organization I was all for it. It would give him a social outlet, deepen relationships with friends and mentors, and be a stress outlet for him. And it's something he has wanted to do for some time. Neither of us was prepared for the amount of time it was going to take to join. We were prepared for the financial obligation. We've been saving for years to go on a Viking River Cruise and I told him he could use his half of what we had, but know when I reached my amount I was going with or without him! It was not the money, it was the time. There was pre-stuff and the actual process. For the past six weeks he was gone Tuesday night, Wednesday night, Friday night, and all day Saturday 7am to 11pm or later. It was instant. I went from supportive household to single parent. We had to re-arrange things, find care for the girls for certain nights and days I had class, and it was hard. I am still upset! I know single parents do it every day and i have always said hats off because I am not strong enough for that. And the last 6 weeks has only cemented that for me. I rely on and depend on and need Matt in so many ways so I can be successful at all the other pieces. And he was gone. And there was no transition. And I am not quiet either, I complained loudly. I protested loudly. But he was already so far and we were making it work. So it only felt right to see it through and finish. Had we fully understood the time commitment, I would have made very different choices at he beginning of the semester. I would have been prepared. Saturday is his last big day and he will only be gone from 12p to 8p so this stressor will be complete. Thank goodness! We get Matt back! 

House:
We are buying a house. That is a stressful process! Our realtor and mortgage peeps are fantastic! But it is a process that was also going on all September and October long. All of our final documents are in and we close in less than a week!

So, the biggest stressors I have were the lack of working out, Matt being MIA, and buying a house. And all of those things are being resolved this week. I have been joking with friends that all I need to do is push through till Veterans Day because I am not doing a thing on Veterans Day! and I almost made it :-) 

Tuesday morning I hit the snooze button.  Matt and I were chitchatting about nothing, just enjoying the quiet and waiting to hit snooze again. Then I felt an excruciating pain in my chest, on the left side. I have had similar pains before so at first I was not worried. I lose my breath, the pain hits, it goes away and all is well. I have seen doctors about it and the only thing ever suggested was that cartilage between my ribs was not lubricated, causing friction, causing pain. But this time, it felt like Mortal Combat! Someone was reaching in and squeezing and twisting, rendering me breathless and unable to move. Then pain radiated down my arm. My left arm. Then Matt freaked out. It passed after several minutes. Tiny aftershocks occurred while I was getting the girls dressed and we heatedly debated an ER trip. After talking to the nurse hotline, looking at heart attack symptoms, and reaching out to my friend Stephanie, we went to the ER. I had an ekg, some xrays, and some labs. All came back fine. My blood pressure is awesome! The rest of the day I was sore and sometimes short of breath. I saw my doctor Wednesday morning. Who was concerned that my biological father had passed of a heart attack in his early 50s. And there is a growing trend of misdiagnosis in women. The enzyme or protein that shows up in your blood when your heart has been compromised grows in number with time, peaking 8-12 hours after and that's when a blood test should be done.  But after 24 hours it is nonexistent. The left arm pain was a concern to him.  But I had another ekg that was beautiful! So to completely rule it out, I am getting more tests done this morning and seeing a cardiologist. But my doctor is really thinking it is costochondritis. Costochondritis is an inflammation of a rib or the cartilage connecting a rib that puts pressure on the heart causing heart attack like symptoms. So we will rule out the heart attack and then focus on this possibility. That's the plan!

I am so very touched by your concern and very much appreciate the well wishes. I will keep you updated after all the tests come back. Please know I am taking care of myself. And I am real good about asking for help as some of y'all know! 

XOXO
J

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