Just when you think things are set, there they go changing again!
It has been close to two years since our family started this Chicago adventure. In many ways it feels like I grew up again. We stepped way out of our comfort zone; leaving a wonderful community of family and friends. Matt was a stay at home dad for a little while. He'll have to tell you one day about the joys and challenges that experience brought!
It feels like we left home and found ourselves, found each other. When it's just you, you really have to communicate. You really have to be on the same page and stick together. We thought we were already doing that. But this experience has shown us we were sheltered and had no idea what it really meant to be united, a team if you will ;-)
At no point in time did we doubt our decision or each other. But I don't think we understood what it would feel like when he couldn't find a job for so long. Or when it would take more than an hour to visit new friends. Or what it's like to pay state taxes! We were very blessed to have built a strong foundation in our relationship. And even more blessed to really love and respect one another. To be able to be quick to apologize and forgive when snippy. To find a way to be together without getting in each others way or being clingy.
Of the many mentors I am thankful for, Erin Boele once told me how she and her husband Pete set each other up for success. It's something that has always stuck with me and while I'm not totally sure I understood it then, I get it now!
Living in Elmhurst was close to an idyllic situation. It's a beautiful town. Everything was in close proximity to where we lived. The train station is tidy. The downtown area cute. The parks are incredible and they have quite possibly the best library! I still patronize the library. I can check out a Nook! The children's area was built with children in mind, not an afterthought. We have spent countless hours there with Cass. The community is at best, decent. Living in a very white, affluent area comes with a price. But with a very liberal college, that price was small in comparison to the community we were building. I honestly saw permanence in Elmhurst. I saw Cassidy going to school here. I saw Matt working either at the college or downtown, a quick train ride in. I saw me being at the college for a while.
Here in the midwest we connected with family! My aunt Rene and uncle Mark and cousin Hannah. Not only did Cassidy get to know them, but Matt and I did too. We see Matt's parents and aunt Nancy and Uncle Pat and Grandma B much more than when we were in Nevada! Being near family is awesome.
Then Dr. Smith got a job at Roosevelt University. A brilliant opportunity to build a program from scratch. He has a supervisor who is amazing and watching the two of them together, you would think they were separated at birth. The Wabash building has forever changed the Chicago skyline with its snazzy presence. Matt will have to tell you about the sweet&sour of starting a brand new reslife program in a building not designed with input from reslife folks, being governed by staff who don't believe, or are unaware of, a reslife philosophy! I can tell you, he has learned a lot. I would say we both have grown professionally from this experience in ways we couldn't have imagined. In ways that would not have happened had we stayed in the comfort and familiarity of Nevada.
Matt's new job, which we are thankful for!, required us to move to the city. Downtown, heart of the loop Chicago. Steps away from Millennium Park, at the top of the theatre district, rooted in fabulous shopping, surrounded by restaurants promising rich flavorful cuisine. That sounds wonderful, right? It can be. There have been wonderful moments. Being able to walk to museums and have Cassidy experience diversity has been priceless. She wouldn't see people of color in business suits and more than menial labor out in Elmhurst! She wouldn't hear music from around the world in Elmhurst. We could give that to her through our own efforts to take day trips in the city, but she is living it in ways that would not have been possible. Going to school downtown she has friends with names that confuse and excite the tongue: Vilnay, Anjali, Sudiki. She is immersed and thriving. She has seen a Van Gogh print and heard the Chicago Symphony. And walked many miles through street festivals and parades, sampling fried food at its best!
There is a rough side to the city. The traffic. The sheer number of people in constant motion. The smells. The logistical nightmare of not parking where you live, but parking in an underground garage 15 minutes from where you live, where coincidentally there is no loading zone. The cost of living. Let me say that again, THE COST of LIVING. Sweet corn on the cob. And having friends, good friends, who live in suburbs too far to visit when you factor in traffic and location. The crime right outside your doorstep. Matt watched a woman get mugged right in front of our building. She was no victim though, she ran him down and got her purse back. I was on the freeway, pulled off to a gas station and was told my 3 year old could not use their bathroom. I didn't know at the time that an hour or so later a shooting would happen at that very same gas station. Thank you to the angel in disguise. The crime is in your face and never lets up. Yes, Lake Michigan is a stone's throw away, but good luck seeing it between the skyscrapers and smog.
We adapt. Because Matt is in a good job and I'm in a good job, we have wonderful bosses and love our students. And there is sweet with the sour. We adapt and we know this is temporary. It's not our lifestyle, but an experience that is making us stronger. Until recently...
Savannah is a miracle. My heart is full. I didn't know how I could love someone so much. I knew I was in love with Matt and I knew I loved Cassidy. I didn't know that love keeps growing and multiplying and that the more of it there is, the more deeply I feel it. Savvy enables me to love more than I thought possible.
We did what you're not supposed to do and made an assumption. Matt had gotten approval to work one day a week from home. I was on my way. I had brought it up before going on leave and HR needed some ideas and suggestions on how I saw this working. My supervisor and I did not have the opportunity to meet, so I emailed it. A complete list of rationale, how I was feeling, some talking points I didn't want to miss and 6 different options for working from home with different schedules and rates of pay. The answer that came back was a very apologetic no thank you. Here's the rub: in our happy assumptions that everything was going to work out the way we planned, we had secured care for the girls for 3 days a week. This new development meant finding care full time at 5 days a week. If you have kids, you feel my pain here. In less than two weeks we came up with a new plan that has me commuting by car up to 4 hours or more each day, the girls at different places in Elmhurst. We are spending over $2,000 a month in daycare, which is close to what I make. This is not ideal!
It hurts because I feel I am missing out on being with my girls. It is painful because with what we currently bring in financially, there is no room for error or extras or emergencies. The three Es. It is agony being in my car for so long! It is not sustainable. I can feel my mental state slowly slipping, my usual upbeat attitude churning with resentment. Not at any one person, just at the situation. It is in my nature, to fix it and find a better way that works for everyone.
What are you willing to do for your family? What sacrifices are you willing to make? What changes are you up for, if it's within your power to make a change?If there was a different way, would you take it?
These challenges are partnered with challenges Matt is facing at his work. I'll let him speak for himself on that. For us, it is no coincidence that there are parallel challenges, dancing in step with another. You can call it a sign or God speaking. We are listening and taking it in and we went back to the beginning, to our core, to ask is this what we want and for how long?
Much journaling, prayer and meditation later, we have our answer. And the sun is beginning to shine through the clouds...
It has been close to two years since our family started this Chicago adventure. In many ways it feels like I grew up again. We stepped way out of our comfort zone; leaving a wonderful community of family and friends. Matt was a stay at home dad for a little while. He'll have to tell you one day about the joys and challenges that experience brought!
It feels like we left home and found ourselves, found each other. When it's just you, you really have to communicate. You really have to be on the same page and stick together. We thought we were already doing that. But this experience has shown us we were sheltered and had no idea what it really meant to be united, a team if you will ;-)
At no point in time did we doubt our decision or each other. But I don't think we understood what it would feel like when he couldn't find a job for so long. Or when it would take more than an hour to visit new friends. Or what it's like to pay state taxes! We were very blessed to have built a strong foundation in our relationship. And even more blessed to really love and respect one another. To be able to be quick to apologize and forgive when snippy. To find a way to be together without getting in each others way or being clingy.
Of the many mentors I am thankful for, Erin Boele once told me how she and her husband Pete set each other up for success. It's something that has always stuck with me and while I'm not totally sure I understood it then, I get it now!
Living in Elmhurst was close to an idyllic situation. It's a beautiful town. Everything was in close proximity to where we lived. The train station is tidy. The downtown area cute. The parks are incredible and they have quite possibly the best library! I still patronize the library. I can check out a Nook! The children's area was built with children in mind, not an afterthought. We have spent countless hours there with Cass. The community is at best, decent. Living in a very white, affluent area comes with a price. But with a very liberal college, that price was small in comparison to the community we were building. I honestly saw permanence in Elmhurst. I saw Cassidy going to school here. I saw Matt working either at the college or downtown, a quick train ride in. I saw me being at the college for a while.
Here in the midwest we connected with family! My aunt Rene and uncle Mark and cousin Hannah. Not only did Cassidy get to know them, but Matt and I did too. We see Matt's parents and aunt Nancy and Uncle Pat and Grandma B much more than when we were in Nevada! Being near family is awesome.
Then Dr. Smith got a job at Roosevelt University. A brilliant opportunity to build a program from scratch. He has a supervisor who is amazing and watching the two of them together, you would think they were separated at birth. The Wabash building has forever changed the Chicago skyline with its snazzy presence. Matt will have to tell you about the sweet&sour of starting a brand new reslife program in a building not designed with input from reslife folks, being governed by staff who don't believe, or are unaware of, a reslife philosophy! I can tell you, he has learned a lot. I would say we both have grown professionally from this experience in ways we couldn't have imagined. In ways that would not have happened had we stayed in the comfort and familiarity of Nevada.
Matt's new job, which we are thankful for!, required us to move to the city. Downtown, heart of the loop Chicago. Steps away from Millennium Park, at the top of the theatre district, rooted in fabulous shopping, surrounded by restaurants promising rich flavorful cuisine. That sounds wonderful, right? It can be. There have been wonderful moments. Being able to walk to museums and have Cassidy experience diversity has been priceless. She wouldn't see people of color in business suits and more than menial labor out in Elmhurst! She wouldn't hear music from around the world in Elmhurst. We could give that to her through our own efforts to take day trips in the city, but she is living it in ways that would not have been possible. Going to school downtown she has friends with names that confuse and excite the tongue: Vilnay, Anjali, Sudiki. She is immersed and thriving. She has seen a Van Gogh print and heard the Chicago Symphony. And walked many miles through street festivals and parades, sampling fried food at its best!
There is a rough side to the city. The traffic. The sheer number of people in constant motion. The smells. The logistical nightmare of not parking where you live, but parking in an underground garage 15 minutes from where you live, where coincidentally there is no loading zone. The cost of living. Let me say that again, THE COST of LIVING. Sweet corn on the cob. And having friends, good friends, who live in suburbs too far to visit when you factor in traffic and location. The crime right outside your doorstep. Matt watched a woman get mugged right in front of our building. She was no victim though, she ran him down and got her purse back. I was on the freeway, pulled off to a gas station and was told my 3 year old could not use their bathroom. I didn't know at the time that an hour or so later a shooting would happen at that very same gas station. Thank you to the angel in disguise. The crime is in your face and never lets up. Yes, Lake Michigan is a stone's throw away, but good luck seeing it between the skyscrapers and smog.
We adapt. Because Matt is in a good job and I'm in a good job, we have wonderful bosses and love our students. And there is sweet with the sour. We adapt and we know this is temporary. It's not our lifestyle, but an experience that is making us stronger. Until recently...
Savannah is a miracle. My heart is full. I didn't know how I could love someone so much. I knew I was in love with Matt and I knew I loved Cassidy. I didn't know that love keeps growing and multiplying and that the more of it there is, the more deeply I feel it. Savvy enables me to love more than I thought possible.
We did what you're not supposed to do and made an assumption. Matt had gotten approval to work one day a week from home. I was on my way. I had brought it up before going on leave and HR needed some ideas and suggestions on how I saw this working. My supervisor and I did not have the opportunity to meet, so I emailed it. A complete list of rationale, how I was feeling, some talking points I didn't want to miss and 6 different options for working from home with different schedules and rates of pay. The answer that came back was a very apologetic no thank you. Here's the rub: in our happy assumptions that everything was going to work out the way we planned, we had secured care for the girls for 3 days a week. This new development meant finding care full time at 5 days a week. If you have kids, you feel my pain here. In less than two weeks we came up with a new plan that has me commuting by car up to 4 hours or more each day, the girls at different places in Elmhurst. We are spending over $2,000 a month in daycare, which is close to what I make. This is not ideal!
It hurts because I feel I am missing out on being with my girls. It is painful because with what we currently bring in financially, there is no room for error or extras or emergencies. The three Es. It is agony being in my car for so long! It is not sustainable. I can feel my mental state slowly slipping, my usual upbeat attitude churning with resentment. Not at any one person, just at the situation. It is in my nature, to fix it and find a better way that works for everyone.
What are you willing to do for your family? What sacrifices are you willing to make? What changes are you up for, if it's within your power to make a change?If there was a different way, would you take it?
These challenges are partnered with challenges Matt is facing at his work. I'll let him speak for himself on that. For us, it is no coincidence that there are parallel challenges, dancing in step with another. You can call it a sign or God speaking. We are listening and taking it in and we went back to the beginning, to our core, to ask is this what we want and for how long?
Much journaling, prayer and meditation later, we have our answer. And the sun is beginning to shine through the clouds...
This post was beautiful. Thank you so much for sharing, among my many favorite quotes, I think I'll hang on to this one for a while.
ReplyDelete"My heart is full. I didn't know how I could love someone so much. I knew I was in love with Matt and I knew I loved Cassidy. I didn't know that love keeps growing and multiplying and that the more of it there is, the more deeply I feel it. Savvy enables me to love more than I thought possible."
Love you!
Listen to audiobooks in the car. At least ... you'll be reading? (You're probably already doing this knowing you!) :)
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